Nigella says extravagant dinner parties are a thing of the past – I wish she was wrong

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Oh, to be a guest at a dinner party thrown by Nigella Lawson. It’s the stuff of dreams. On TV, she always made hosting look so effortlessly elegant, passing around plates piled high with luscious-looking food to her laughing guests, fairy lights twinkling above them as though they were ethereal beings blessed by the Domestic Goddess herself. To my teenage self, having a glamorous dinner party was the height of adulthood – Nigella was a huge inspiration.

But these days, Nigella says she is less inclined to host a big dinner party – the ones that the public see on her shows like Nigellissima and Nigella Feasts are actually rare. In a new interview with The Times, she revealed that she has fallen “out of the habit” of big gatherings, adding: “I’ll have a person or a couple of people over quite often and I keep planning to have people round in a proper grown-up way but I haven’t yet. I must! I feel a bit guilty because people have had me for dinner and I haven’t had them back.”

One could argue that it’s fair for dinner parties to be a thing of the past for Lawson, who has been setting the bar for these things for the past 20 years or so. She can and should do whatever she likes that makes her comfortable. But for me, a woman in her thirties, I still haven’t had the pleasure of planning and throwing a Nigella-level dinner party, and that makes me rather sad.

I want to be the hostess with the mostest. I sometimes fantasise about who I’d invite, what I’d cook, what dishes I’d use, what playlist I’d throw on. When I lived in Malaysia, I had a large flat all to myself for just a few months. This period coincided with a New Year’s Eve that, at the last minute, had me throwing a party for everyone who didn’t already have plans. It wasn’t a Nigella-esque party given its eleventh-hour nature, but it was perfect for the time – we ordered pizzas and people brought snacks and booze, and we all stayed up late chatting, listening to music, ringing in the new year. What bliss!

But modern living quarters have shrunk so much that it makes me claustrophobic just thinking about it. These days, even the idea of a dining room that is separate from the living room feels like a pipe dream for my generation. Entire houses that would have been occupied by one family have been sliced into flats that squeeze multiple households under one roof. The abominable creation of “studio apartments” that force tenants to cook, eat, and sleep in the same space hardly offer the means to have friends over for dinner. Don’t even speak to me about buying a house – I’m just trying to keep my head above water with rent prices, which reached record highs in June. And no, giving up lattes from Pret has not helped one iota.

Inflation and wage stagnation have also stamped on my dreams of being a dinner party pro. I’m sorry to be That Person, but have you done a weekly grocery shop recently? I find myself wincing at the checkout more and more with each shop, and I’m only shopping for two. I can’t imagine buying a week’s worth of groceries for a family, let alone a party of more than four. This year, I made a Chinese New Year meal for six people – two of us had to eat on the sofa – and the cost nearly bowled me over. I desperately wanted to do it, but I did not relish looking at my bank balance afterwards.

Then there’s the cost of decorations to think about. If TikTok videos are to be believed, decorating is easy as pie, with hundreds of influencers telling you that all you need is a unique table runner; huge bunches of beautiful flowers dotted around; mismatched tableware for a cutesy, vintage feel; tall candles; linen napkins tied up with string. But all of this costs more money than you’d expect, and “hacks” like getting up at 5am to go to Columbia Road Flower Market to get cheaper blooms aren’t all that helpful when work and other commitments demand your time.

Of course, where there’s a will, there’s a way. Nigella’s suggestion of serving Twiglets as a starter is unconventional, but fun and cheap; as is her preferred method of making “a big plate of food, taking it out and seeing everyone eat”. Certainly, her latest Ocado recipe for sardine spaghetti – which uses humble tinned sardines in tomato sauce – is cheap, cheerful and entirely delicious, perfectly suited for feeding a large number of people on a budget. This isn’t too surprising: Nigella has always had her finger on the pulse of the public mood, and her other recent Ocado recipes, which feed four people for under £5, will come in handy for many who are struggling.

But looking back at the dinner parties she’s hosted on her TV shows, perhaps they weren’t so lavish after all. The immense appeal and pleasure of Nigella’s gatherings has always stemmed from the fact that she cooks what she loves, for people she loves, no matter the number. Her shows, too, made these intimate parties look sparkly and lavish, but underneath all of them lay the bare bones of a great night in: sharing delicious food with wonderful company.

I can’t help but grieve for the parties I could’ve had by now. I wish I could fill my home with people without worrying about whether there are enough chairs or if the neighbours above and below me are grinding their teeth, waiting for 10pm to roll around so they can knock on the door and tell us to keep it down. It remains my fervent aspiration, still, to someday throw a Nigella Feasts-worthy dinner party. Until then, I’ll just have to comfort myself with the reminder that even Nigella isn’t up for that these days – and that entertaining for a smaller number of people can be just as satisfying.